Resist or Yield
February 23, 2020
I can get stuck and committed to having things play out as I imagined, even when better things appear. This is my resistance to change, to the flow. As fluid as I think I am, as much as I say I embrace change, I too resist life and change all too often and bring pain and suffering upon myself. And unfortunately, I usually don't see my resistance right away. Instead, I find myself crying and sad and walking around like something has been taken from me for days, sometimes weeks or even months before I wake up and recognize my own resistance, my self imposed pain.
Recently, that's what happened, and I am sure it will happen again tomorrow and every time I forget who I am (spirit/being having a human experience trying to control things I cannot or do not control). We moved in with my in-laws on December 30 and I fully expected to live there until the end of the school year in late May/early June. But that did not happen. After a series of unfortunate events and realization of our incompatibility of living together, my spouse and I found a place last week and promptly moved out. Everyone is better for it. We are at peace, and I am sure my in-laws feel better now having their house back to themselves. However, I found myself upset and sad after the second move, because this isn't what I wanted to happen (say that while whining). I had imagined that I would be able to rest and restore in the comfort of someone's house, that I would be held and get support with my son while my spouse travels, that I could make it work, that we would be, could be one big happy extended family. But I was wrong, very wrong. The new rental fell into place quickly. We got plenty of help moving our stuff. There is no doubt in my mind that the universe supported this move for us.
And now, as I am on retreat this weekend alone, I wonder how often I do this or am doing this with different areas of my life. Where am I resisting change? Where am I resisting life? I don't have to figure this out or rack my brain, because life will give me more opportunities to see my resistance in action. Thank you God.
"Whatever tragic loss occurs, you either resist or you yield. Some people become bitter or deeply resentful; others become compassionate, wise and loving. Yielding means inner acceptance of what is. You are open to life." — Ekhart Tolle
We have an awesome, big, beautiful rental house near Main Street. It's the first time we have lived/rented a detached home -- not a duplex, not sharing walls with noisy neighbors. Right now, our lease is until the end of July, so we will enjoy it as long as we have it. This week I plan on focusing on getting us all settled in before March begins. Today I feel like I can enjoy our new home now, both the process of settling in and the fact that we were given this gift. Yes, I am not thrilled about having to move again in August but that's okay. It will all work out. Let's see what life has in store for us. For now, I appreciate our new home, our own space, the fact that my son has his own sunny playroom, my spouse and I have a big beautiful office, the cat loves being able to run around three floors and we can breathe easy again. Life is good and I am super grateful.
Universe, help me continue to yield.
I am open to life.
I surrender to life.
